


The Things He Carries

by Powrhug



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, M/M, Pre-Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-28
Updated: 2011-11-28
Packaged: 2017-10-26 15:08:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/284701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Powrhug/pseuds/Powrhug
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Danny Williams, law enforcement officer and straight-laced Dad, steals pieces of those he loves and carries them with him wherever he goes in life...except Steve.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Things He Carries

No one would probably be able to guess that Danny Williams was a little bit of a kleptomaniac. It's not like he steals anything of value, really. It's not like he makes clandestine journeys to stores to pocket anything. And it's not like he does it for cheap thrills. That's how he justifies it anyway.

Danny Williams, law enforcement officer and straight-laced Dad steals pieces of those he loves and carries them with him wherever he goes in life.

Matty was easy and probably the first. He wasn't sure when it happened, and it may not make sense since he was older, and therefore by default the cooler brother, of course, but he found himself adopting Matt's swagger. Danny wasn't even aware he was doing it until he started hearing references to the Williams' strut. Naturally, he let everyone think it started with him, but Danny knew. He knew that Matty had done it first, probably done it better. But by the time they were in high school together, even Matty started to believe Danny was the cool one, the one with the confident walk.

Over the years he perfected the art, and he was proud of the fact that he adopted traits and characteristics of those he loved, molding them into himself without really changing who he was. He preferred to think of it as enhancement, maybe. Improvement, surely. Love, definitely.

He didn't even mind when time shifted, making the things he adapted a little less plausible. He kept the hairstyle he'd stolen from his high school best friend, and only laughed when another buddy, another coworker, through the years cracked jokes at its height. It was the only thing he had left of Sammy. It kept him real in his head, his heart. Even after that night when he should have insisted on taking his keys.

The divorce took him by surprise because he hadn't yet figured out what he wanted to take from Rachel. Figuratively of course. Love of Grace would seem to be an obvious answer, but then again Grace had always been part of them both. She was too real, too theirs. He didn't have to adapt what he already had, what was already a part of him. The day the divorce papers were delivered, panic set in when he figured out he'd yet to steal anything from her. He sifted through a list in his head of things he loved about her, things he may miss, but pain clouded everything but the realness of losing her heart to another. For days he'd obsessively make real lists in pencil and paper, trying to find something to beg. To borrow. To steal. Crossing off the pieces he couldn't find a way to take until there was nothing left but to stop trying. He felt dizzy with the knowledge that he'd failed.

In admitting defeat, he felt like a piece of him was left unfilled, and so he made sure to pour anger into the space instead, spreading it into the cracks until he could forget the fact that she was no longer a part of him. He tried to lessen the extent of the damage by saying he really didn't even want anything from her anyway. Even if he knew that wasn't entirely ... no, was completely untrue.

When he found the H50 crew, or they found him, or they all found each other, it was fairly easy to adapt pieces of Kono and Chin. It wasn't long after they started working together that Danny asked Kono to give him surfing lessons. He'd said it was because of Grace and believed it was true, but that wasn't the real reason. He wanted her passion. And when she gave it to him freely in sand and unrelenting sun and pounding waves, he let it spread around him in a warmth that made him feel, finally, a part of the island. From Kono he stole Hawaii itself. That's the way it played out in his head, anyway.

Chin proved to be a little more difficult, although not impossible, because he wouldn't have another failure. It was by chance that he saw the eReader in Chin's backpack. Danny asked him about it seemingly offhand one day and Chin told him with considerable animation that it was how he escaped. He loved choosing a time and place and losing himself in words. Danny bought his own that evening and even snuck a look inside Chin's to see which free books he'd downloaded. It was comforting to sit reading at night, imagining Chin was doing the same. Wondering, even, if they were on the same book. He thought he'd taken something tangible this time. An eReader is something he could actually hold onto. Something he could see without closing his eyes. What he didn't know, was that he'd actually taken something more. It was one of the few things Chin revealed readily about himself without hesitation.

If you found out about Danny's habit - and you wouldn't - and asked Danny why he hadn't taken anything from Steve, he'd more than likely give you some bullshit answer he'd already formed a long time ago in his head. He's too dangerous. He needs professional help. I don’t need anything from him. And all of that may be true, but more than likely it wasn't. Instead, the truth could be found seeping slowly into and around the cracks of anger surrounding his heart, even as he fought to keep it out with perfectly reasonable reasons why he shouldn't take a part of Steve McGarrett.

In truth, he was safer to ignore the pieces that would be so easy to take. Steve's equal fearlessness in the face of small and large dangers. Steve's propensity for body art. Even Steve's annoyingly casual way of dress. Because if Danny thought too long, too hard about it, he could find many things he wanted to take from Steve. But if he let himself steal something too soon, or worse yet too late, either way he knew this time the loss would leave a space too big to be filled.

Danny Williams couldn’t find a single thing he wanted to take from Steve McGarrett. Because, whether he wanted to admit it or not – and the answer would be most definitely not – Steve had already stolen something from him long ago.

~end~

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on LiveJournal 3/20/11


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